First 500 Days
Dear friends and family,
First of all, thank you. As you know from the CaringBridge site that my mom created, my road since 7/27/19 hasn’t been conventional, and the encouragement you provided solidified my will to fight from the onset. It’s been a while since our most recent CaringBridge update, 12/1/2019 to be precise. The reasons for our silence in the interim were many. Also, the time had probably come for me to take over communicating in some form, and as everyone here knows, my mom was an incredibly difficult act to follow. However, my gratitude for this group - for you - has only grown since then, and I now feel compelled to share some updates and words of thanks.
The end of 2019 was one of the most challenging chapters of my journey thus far. I found myself freshly unemployed for the first time since college, which was frightening at the time. Meanwhile, the transition that we had planned to physical and occupational therapy in Miami for a few months was going awry. No number of hours on the phone or waiting at front desks with limbs in need of therapy seemed to be yielding results. Nothing was going right, and our hands were full.
Thinking back on late 2019 reminds me of a quote that I love from Arthur Ashe, “start where you are, use what you have, do what you can.” Knowing that progress would not come easily, I decided to journal every single day the people that I trained with and exercises I did, so that even if I could not feel the gains day-to-day, I would be able to look back and know that the input was there. I made a habit of measuring progress statistics to stay on track.
Starting where I was, I limped down the street to dinner with John and Catherine Keith. They connected me with Gene Jang, a capable physical therapist with DBC Miami who works with some of the world's top athletes and NBA players. Importantly, DBC provided an inspiring place for me to train while the plan that we originally had in place faltered. On 11/21/19, I hobbled a few blocks further down the street from our South Beach apartment to a yoga studio where I met Sarra Adnani. Yoga, at first limited to child’s pose, became an important part of my recovery. Sarra and I became close friends and still practice together.
Meanwhile, I was making frustrating but small gains exercising my left hand with the occupational therapy staff at the University of Miami. Botox injections helped to relax the flexor muscles that kept my left hand stuck in a fist due to spinal cord damage. A special thanks to Isabel Cantor for working with me. I ordered a color-coded keyboard to re-train myself with typing and tried every hand gadget I could find from modern devices to Baoding balls dating back to China’s Ming Dynasty.
The new year arrived, and my dad and I decided to give the driving range a try on 1/4/20. I could only hit the ball about 20 yards but did manage to land one in a chipping net. Mom resolved for me that I was going to get my driver’s license back and Judi Hamelburg provided the necessary training starting on 1/8/20. I used this newfound freedom to drive up to NeuroFit 360 in Pembroke Pines, where I found an innovative neurological rehabilitation facility. Guy Romain and his team pushed me in new ways that I didn't think were possible. I told Guy that I wanted to someday run again, and while my body wouldn't allow it, we got to work anyway strengthening the muscles that would be needed. He showed me a photo of a previous client who had gone on to run a marathon, and I redoubled my efforts. I owe a special thanks to Guy and Cristina Thurston for their creativity and dedication. I used the long drives home from Neurofit to listen to Christian sermons and those words gave me strength at a needed time to carry on.
In March 2020, as I was planning to return to New York City, covid-19 swept through the US and once again threw our plans out of balance. Gene and I continued to work out together; we wore masks, changed to a private location, turned off the lights and locked the door. My next round of Botox shots and occupational therapy appointments were delayed. On 3/17/20 I met Christine Rieder, a neuroscience PhD candidate at the University of Miami specializing in spinal cord injury. While Miami’s streets went dark, we walked around my neighborhood, trying to get a few more steps in each time. By the end of April, I could jog a hundred feet or so.
On 4/29/20, mom and I drove in a jam-packed Prius from Miami to our home in Maine, stopping by Spaulding Rehab in Boston for Botox shots along the way. Spaulding will always hold a special place in my heart for the care that I received early in my recovery. Even with covid looming and sadly being unable to visit my doctor and therapists from the inpatient days, I wasn't surprised to see that Spaulding was still operating like clockwork. I will always be grateful to Kevin O'Connor (MD), Rachel Benjamin (PT), Arielle Ziering (OT) and John Lowry (MD) and the entire Spaulding staff for the incredible work that they do and look forward to the day when I can see them in person again.
We made it home but needed to “use what we had” again to find trainers and expertise. In the meantime, I trekked around our beloved Rackliff Island in a snowstorm on 5/9/20 just to keep moving, it took a little over 35 minutes. Angie Vachon trained me in her basement since gyms were closed in Maine. On 5/17/20, I drove to my apartment in NYC to see if it might be a better option. As the brilliant skyline first appeared, the Whitney Houston version of I Will Always Love You came on the radio. The song was originally written by Dolly Parton as a farewell when she left The Porter Wagoner Show to pursue a solo career; perhaps it was a sign that I’d be away from home for a while longer.
I got to enjoy something I had always wanted to instead, a summer in Maine. My brother Curt and I exercised in our front yard. I was still intent on trying to run and asked Angie if she knew a track coach. She put me in touch with Shawn Anderson, the Head Track Coach at Oceanside High School. Shawn and I met on 6/2/20, became fast friends, and began training several times a week. By then I was able to jog small distances, and each week we kept stretching what Shawn referred to as my speed endurance. Over time these jogs got faster and longer, and eventually I was sprinting, a bit awkwardly but sprinting nonetheless. I'm grateful to Shawn for taking on what must have seemed like quite a strange assignment. Maine gyms opened and I began training regularly with Chris Chacon at CJ Strength, who helped take my conditioning to new levels.
On 6/17/20, I made an unforgettable drive under sunny skies through Maine and across Vermont's Green Mountains to visit Will Morris in the Adirondacks. Somewhere between Middlebury and Keene Valley, I hit 125mph on a straightaway with the top down. On 6/19/20, Will, Jamie Wilson and I along with others hiked to the summit of Noon Mark, a 3,556-foot peak. Jamie and Will came to see me in my early days following surgery while I was in intensive care, but I could barely see them because I was hallucinating from the pain and meds. I wasn't quite sure if I'd make it down but thankfully had Jamie to spot me in case of a fall.
Shawn and I kept training and barely broke our goal of an 11-minute mile with a 10:55 on 6/25/20, a goal that we set arbitrarily but hopefully. On 7/10/20, I drove back to Gibson Island to visit the Daly family. Clinton Daly's actions in the seconds and minutes after my accident saved me from drowning and as my surgeon put it at the time, gave me the opportunity to “maybe walk in a year.” Nick Daly took over for Clinton that night in the ER, and along with my mom organized the CaringBridge site and stream of visitors that gave me the inspiration to fight from the very start. We enjoyed the beauty of Gibson Island together as we had many times before.
I celebrated the one-year anniversary of my accident on 7/27/20 by running with Shawn and walking a few more laps around Rackliff Island. My extended family and I enjoyed a stunning Maine August out on the water, up on the mountains and under the stars. I was also blessed to spend much valued time with my beloved grandmother, Alice Gorman. On 8/17/20, Shawn and I set out to beat our new goal for a 10-minute mile. He jogged in front of me to keep the pace and coached and inspired me the whole way, we finished at 9:25. I swam frequently with paddles attached to my hands to keep them from closing into fists and started to notice my upper body getting stronger.
On 9/6/20, I ran around Rackliff Island in 19 minutes and 59 seconds, just under my goal of 20 minutes and just over half the time that the same distance required in May. Just a few days later, I drove to New York City with the intention of returning permanently. Tucker Pribor and Mary Galbraith greeted me with open arms and helping hands to move back in. Over the next several days, I moved back into the apartment that I had rented just prior to my accident. It was like a time capsule complete with old grocery lists and dusty journals.
I signed back up for Gotham Gym, a favorite place of mine to train, and began working with Karl Eichenfeldt, another highly capable PT who was introduced to me by Gene Jang. I embraced my old habit of jogging down the West Side highway, even if it required far more stops than before. I went to Gotham Gym nearly every day and want to thank Rob, Randy, Chris, Mike, Trisha, Keenan, Steve and the rest of the staff for making it memorable and fun, even as we worked out with our masks on.
I loved being back in my home and looking out the windows over Bedford Street into the familiar treetops. I saw friends I had missed and dined outside on the sidewalk. About a year prior, my brother Louis had submitted my story to the Peloton Comeback Program, which has a stated mission to, “provide motivation and accomplishment via the Peloton Bike to individuals who may be coming back from adversity in their lives.” I was honored to be selected to win a bike that was delivered on 11/6/20.
Throughout the fall, I saw Instagram posts from a fellow West Village resident, Pat Force, who also had a diving accident and spinal cord injury around the same time as me. I had been following Pat’s story since I had met his friends at the beach in Miami, where their loungers happened to be next to Jack Findaro and I. Pat was training at a facility called Barwis in Deerfield Beach, FL and I was intrigued enough to fly down and see it for myself on 11/12/20. Nick Lucius and Khanh Vo put me through workouts for a week and I realized right away that Barwis could be a game changer.
Upon returning from Barwis, I could sense that the covid situation in NYC had the potential to worsen and close gyms. Our family cancelled our planned Thanksgiving in Maine and we celebrated my dad’s 60th birthday via Zoom call. My cousin Ellie and the Smith family graciously invited me out to Far Hills the evening of 11/25/20, and I waited in line for 3.5 hours on 14th Street on Thanksgiving Day for a rapid covid test to make sure it was safe to join them; a folding chair, Amazon Kindle, and a turkey club from the Waverly Inn helped pass the time. Spending a long weekend with the Smith clan was worth every minute, and I'm grateful to all of them for their unwavering support.
After Thanksgiving, I made up my mind quickly that I was going to return to Florida and train with the team at Barwis, knowing that I needed to “use what I had” and that I now had something special. Within days, Jack and Pat Findaro looked at places for me to stay in Miami Beach and I secured a lease. On 12/1/20, I boarded a one-way flight to Miami with two rolling duffel bags. I'm enormously grateful to my uncle, Charles Bingham, for helping to make this part of my journey possible.
Since landing in Miami, I've been training with Nick Montoni and the Barwis team four times per week, 2.5 hours per visit. The sessions are brutal, but the results are adding up. Oftentimes, there isn't a good weight or band for a particular exercise, so Nick, Khanh and others use their bare hands to supply resistance. The evaluations and plans for each day that the Barwis team create are deeply thorough. Meg Sundstrom trains clients for 12 hours each day and then goes home to write my program. The environment is also highly unique, with professional and Olympic level athletes from all sports training alongside neuro clients working to improve from spinal cord injuries and other neurological challenges.
On 12/13, Adham Koura and I went to go hit on the squash courts; I almost canceled the night before but decided to try. Ordinarily, I’d have no business challenging Adham, and now here I was whiffing and moving like I was wearing a lead vest. He made the game fun and I gained faith that maybe I could play again. He also introduced me to Daniela Schumann, a former squash pro who now trains me once a week. My speed and coordination today are much improved from that first lesson, and I’m no longer whiffing.
Christine and I ran an 8:56 mile together on 1/2/21. I began the new year feeling fortunate to be surrounded by incredible friends and family, and to have the ability to “do what I can” in the form of a regimen that I believe is optimized for gains going forward. A large part of me wishes I had found Barwis earlier; it turns out Pat Force found Barwis by chance word of mouth as well. Such is life and I’m grateful to be here now.
This past Tuesday, 2/16/21, I was training with Nick Montoni and sat down for lunch in the lobby afterwards, drenched from my workout. A hand slapped me on the back and a voice said, “you’ve been working your ass off in there, you’d beat me in a race these days.” It was Chris Chambers, former wideout for the Miami Dolphins.
I’m not planning to dial back anytime soon. If history is any indication, my physical address is bound to change many more times but as Sarra Adnani often reminds me, “your body is the only home you have.” My left hand still gives me trouble, my left side is still lagging the right, and my upper body is lagging the lower body, but those gaps are closing. In the 513 days since I was discharged from inpatient care, I've journaled physical activity on 415 of those days, and worked with a professional on the majority of them. I’m building back my home.
Why write this now? Some of the most positive turning points in this journey (e.g. finding Gene, Shawn, Barwis) have come from sharing my story openly. There is no replacement for relationships and the unexpected doors they can open. I've also been mindful every day of the immense gratitude that I have for those who have supported me. A recent experience with friends reminded me of the value of shared connection, something we're all a bit starved for at present. Finally, I’ve witnessed the unanticipated benefits that can occur when people like Pat Force share their stories, which in turn helped me. If these notes end up helping someone else working through a spinal cord injury or another difficulty, then they were worth sending.
Of course, I must close with a special thanks to my mom and dad, and brothers Louis and Curtis, who have been with me every step of the way. Not long after I was born, my great-grandfather, Charles Tiffany Bigham (MD), gifted me a copy of Rudyard Kipling’s If. The poem lays out a series of things one must do along the road to self-actualization, including the need to “fill the unforgiving minute with sixty seconds’ worth of distance run.” Thank you for running by my side during this unforgiving minute. I’m looking forward with optimism to many prosperous and healthy years ahead.
With love and gratitude,
MTO Jr.
Note: Some names have been altered for privacy.
